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I'm gone

This website is a crock. Right now I would love a bit of public feedback about the Richard situation, but I'm not going to get it. Why? Because I'm not paying to put my entry on the front page. How the hell do people get followers and friends on here when no one is really going to see your entries unless you pay to get them seen? All I want is a diary site where I can actually make friends and get some good advice. Not a damn blog site no one is going to see. I'm not posting in here anymore. I'm going to try again to find an online public diary where you can actually be seen by others without being deleted and no reason given and actually be seen by others without shelling money out.

Dear black people,

-It's HOS. Not HOES. We're talking about the slang for whore. Not gardening tools.

-Ratchet is a tool. Not a nasty, ugly, dirty black female.

-Bae is a Danish word meaning to poop or defecate. It's not some cute little term for your "baby". Shut the hell up!

-Most people speak ENGLISH. Don't expect us to understand your Niglish illiteracy. Your ancestors by your own ancestor's hands were beat for learning how to read and write. You're an embarrassment to them.

-No one "stole" anything from you. Your women try their best to look like white women, act like white women, sound like white women, and dress like white women. Straightening your hair and dying it blonde while wearing fashion made by white people doesn't make you "black". Then you have your men chase the shit out of white women and want nothing to do with black women. And you act like you're some "hot shit".

-Having a black person who's educated, has no criminal record, sounds educated, has a decent job, and doesn't do drugs while telling all the thugs in your race to grow up, DOESN'T MAKE THEM AN UNCLE TOM. Do you even know who Uncle Tom is? NO! Because you're an ignorant dumbass who follows your racist leaders like good little sheeple. Uncle Tom was a black slave who tried his best to save up to buy his wife and kids. They ended up being sold to someone else so he tried to run to find them. Got severely beat BY TWO BLACK MEN who were employed by the slaver when he was found and just before he died of his injuries, TAUGHT GOD TO THE TWO BLACK MEN THAT HAD BEATEN HIM TO DEATH AND TURNED THEM INTO GOD FEARING CHRISTIANS! If a man like that is considered an insult to you people, THEN YOU ARE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS WORLD!! Not someone like me.

-This isn't the 60's anymore. There is no "social injustice" against your race by whites, cops, or the government. You want to know who's causing all that? BLACK LEADERS AND OTHER BLACK PEOPLE THEMSELVES!!! YOU are causing all of this on yourself. YOU cause the stereotypes that people see you as. If you would stop being drug addicted, gang banging, murdering, raping, robbing thug criminals who run out on their children and teach their children to drop out of school to enter into the criminal life, THERE WOULDN'T BE MOST JAILS FILLED WITH BLACKS! Blacks wouldn't have high crime rates for only being less than 13% of the American population. Blacks wouldn't have high drop out rates amoung young black males and females. Black heavily populated cites WOULDN'T BE THE MOST DANGEROUS CITIES TO VISIT. Most of your race wouldn't be sitting on their lazy asses on welfare popping out fatherless babies to get more benefits. Your race wouldn't have a high single mother rate either. The problem isn't the cops. The problem isn't white people. The problem isn't the government. The problem is YOU. IT'S A BLACK PERSON PROBLEM. Great quote from a very prominent black man in history:

This man PREDICTED Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Obama, Oprah, etc. You know who this man is? He was born a slave and BOUGHT HIS OWN FREEDOM. He EDUCATED HIMSELF. It's really utterly sad and pathetic that a white person knows more about your own race than you do.

-Baltimore and Ferguson are NOT what you should be showing to represent you. You know who caused all that? THUG BLACK CRIMINALS BURNING AND ROBBING BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES!!! You know who started them? CRIMINAL THUGS ATTACKING COPS! Literally HALF OF THE COPS IN THE BALTIMORE THING ARE BLACK! No one's crying "racism" now are they? NO! Most of the cops in Baltimore are black, the mayor is black, most of the city council is black. This isn't a "race" problem. This is a BLACK problem. Do NOT blame whites or the cops for YOUR OWN RACE'S ACTIONS! START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIVES IN AMERICA AND FIX YOUR DAMN RACE! You don't want to be seen as criminals? STOP BEING CRIMINALS AND STOP SUPPORTING AND IDOLIZING ONES WHO ARE! You want to stop being seen as nothing more than welfare, single mother trash? STOP ACTING LIKE IT! STOP PUSHING YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR GRANDCHILDREN TO SIT ON WELFARE FOR GENERATIONS! You want your young children to finish school and get an education? STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY ON DRUGS, WEEVES, NAILS, AND THE LIKE AND PUT THAT MONEY INTO YOUR GHETTO SCHOOLS SO YOUR CHILDREN CAN HAVE A GOOD ENVIRONMENT FOR LEARNING AND PUSH THEM TO ALWAYS FINISH SCHOOL NO MATTER WHAT!


-History shows that MUSLIMS were the first to enslave blacks outside of Africa. MUSLIMS. Yet a lot of your race are MUSLIM now. "Native" Americans also had black slaves. Blacks had slaves in America. They also had white Irish slaves. The first slave owner in America was a black man by the name of Anthony Johnson. He went to Congress and demanded his indentured servant to work under him indefinitely without pay. Don't believe me? LOOK UP HISTORY! OH, but you won't accept that because YOU HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED TO REJECT TRUTH AND FACT AND TO ALWAYS THREATEN TO "CUT" SOMEONE OR TO MURDER SOMEONE AS RETALIATION BY YOUR OWN BLACK LEADERS. Whites aren't to blame for that. BLACK LEADERS are.




Pissed off, sick of your shit, sick of being blamed for your shit white person


Answer for question 4354.

What's your favorite saying or quote? Why does it mean something special to you? How did you come across it?
My first one is: I'd rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I am not.

It's very true. I'm a very controversial person, but I wouldn't change that one bit. I'd rather people hate me for being me and for being honest than love me for someone I'm playing a part of. It's hard for me to make friends because I'm being only me, but the few friends I do make are real people. They wouldn't be just as fake as I'd be pretending to be. Not to mention, I hate lying. People ALWAYS find out the truth eventually so there's no point in it.

The other one is: We work in the dark to serve the light.

It's from Assassin's Creed, but because of who I am and what I do, it's very true. There's a whole 'nother world people do not know about and/or ignore and the only reason why people don't know about it is because people like me are making sure that world stays hidden. Confusing, I know, but it's something I can't really get into detail. Most people would think I"m crazy and there's something mentally wrong with me. So humans, just know your safety and well being is being protected. :)

Oh. My. God.

So I did a day/night/day date with Richard. I have never had a date go so well ever in my life. We got a motel room. We talked for a while on the bed. Then just laid on the bed and watched tv. Ordered some pizza for dinner. I had to make the first moves that night. lol So I psyched myself up to go cuddle. I roll over tap at his arm, he lifted it up and we cuddled. Boy is he a great cuddler. Wraps both of his arms around me, constantly uses his arm behind me to caress me, hold my hand or caress my other hand or arm, slowly run his fingers through my hair or just lightly rub my hair. It was really really nice. I kind of want to be kissed after a while so I send out all the signs making it very obvious and he still doesn't get it. lol So it took me like half an hour to psych myself up. Then I just do it. I look at him, turn his head towards me and kiss him.

He smokes cigs (which I don't mind) so he did taste like smoke, but he sure did kiss really good. Then things got a little heavier. Breathing got heavier, kissing got longer and more passionate, pushing up against each other. All that. Then clothes come off and yeah. lol Holy moly is he a great size. Perfect length and girth. I'd say about 7 1/2. Maybe a little more and I think around a ping pong ball girth. I felt him perfectly. I clawed. We both enjoyed it. He was kind of quick since he hasn't been with someone in quite a while, which I understood. He actually growls as he finishes. That was awesome. Kind of laid on our backs for a bit after that. Then since it was cold, put some clothes on and cuddled under the blankets. Talked some more. Then fell asleep cuddled up to each other. It was a little hard for me to sleep since the bed was firm and I can't take firm.

I have to have soft. He woke up earlier than me. Didn't really move or anything other than to adjust. Waited until I woke up. Then we cuddled again. Kind of talked a little. Then stared at each other. Then he made a move and started to kiss me. Started to get heavy again. Then said he needed to pee. Started laughing. Came back and it got heavy again. Went down for a bit. Then got on top for a bit. Clawed. Then he asked me if I would get on top. I said sure. I did. I haven't had the reaction he did in many years. He was moaning loudly, clawing at my back and sheets, smiling, rolling his eyes back, arching his back. I looooved that reaction. Honestly, I've been doubting myself in that department due to the last two guys I was with's reactions. They didn't seem too impressed and one blamed me for him not getting off which was not true. I honestly started to think it was me until Richard's reaction. I knew I was good. ;D Took a look at his back. I sure left my mark. A couple of them looked like I almost drew blood. I sure had a lot of fun. Honestly, that was the best I've had in years. I am not joking on that.

He got back dressed since he was cold and I didn't since I'm used to the chilly weather so I stayed naked. He was spazztic about that since he couldn't understand how I was warm and he was freezing. See, he doesn't live in the same town as I do. He lives farther south so it's warmer weather most of the year. He's not used to the cold environment. We talked some more. He trusted me to read some of his texts his friends were sending him. Trusted me to look at his facebook. He even went through his friends list on facebook telling me who they were and where he met them. Then we cleaned up, put clothes away, etc before the noon call out. It was raining and his sunroof leaks so he stole a couple of towels for us to sit on. lol We went back to me and my parents place. Met my dad and talked for a short time before he went to sleep. Then my mom went and passed out. She had been drinking. I apologized to him and he said it was okay. Talked some more. We shared my hookah. It was sooo cute. He was trying to outdo me with the smoke cloud. He ended up doing it with the last one.

I asked him what he thought of me. He said he really liked me. That I seemed to be really nice and trustable and reliable. This guy has gone through basically everything bad you can with women. Women cheating on him with friends, abusing him, lying to him, accusing him of things, stealing from him, etc. Poor guy. I feel really sorry for him and I feel like I need to prove to him that not all women are like that. That he can trust me and I would never do that to him. Not in a million years. We have so much in common. He makes me feel safe and wanted. Great kisser and great lover. I don't want him to run at all. :( I really like this guy and I'm honestly sick of guys running. He wants to take things somewhat slow. Still wants to get to know me more which I respect fully. He wants to make sure he's not screwed over again and I understand him fully on that. I am crossing all of my fingers and toes and hoping with everything in me he doesn't run and he sticks around for a very long time. I honestly don't think anybody can top Richard.

As he was leaving earlier, I pulled his beard down and kissed him while Kaylee wasn't looking so she wouldn't get jealous. Then I walked him outside and he leaned down to kiss me again. Then pulled away with his eyes closed, a big smile on his face, and went "Mmm.". That made me smile. :D

Answer for question 4342.

Despite how old you really are, what age do you feel? Have you generally been more or less mature than others of your own age?
I feel about 650 years old. I've always been way more mature and level headed than anyone my age, older, or younger. A lot of people come to me for wisdom and advice. I've had people come tell me that it seems like my wisdom is centuries old. I hate this modern era and I don't feel like I belong here because I feel so old.

Answer for question 4340.

What is the longest time you have gone without speaking to another human being? What were the circumstances that caused it?
A week and that was because I was camping alone. I hate humans generally. I hate being around too many of them. I do like my solitude. I would love to own a 300+ acre ranch one day far away from other humans. I would be in Heaven.

So really?

So apparently to this diary site, me not being extremely girly makes people automatically assume I'm a male. Seriously? So apparently to be female, I have to like shopping, shoes, manis/pedis, tanning, giggling about boys, no icky male stuff, makeup, dressing up, etc. Yeah. Fat chance. lmao I have always been a tomboy. Yes, I can look like a girly girl with very little effort, but most of the time I choose not to. I don't see how most females spend hours to look good. I spend a total of 15 minutes if I want to put on makeup, put my hair up, and put on something that looks girly. The hell are you doing for so long? Traversing universes? The only thing I actually spend a decent amount of time on is my eyebrows and that's only because they're thick and I tend to let them go. If I'm meeting up with a guy or going out with my younger sister, they're going to look good, but if I'm just going to get groceries, nope.

When I was 18, yeah I used to put on makeup and stuff just to go to the store, but I was a teen then. I'm 28 with a six year old. I hardly care if I look like crap or not when I'm getting food. lol Maybe it's a mixture of me being a mom and a tomboy. Most of my "closet" is t-shirts with sayings on them and jeans. I have comfy boy shorts panties. I don't own no sexy panties of any sort. I don't see a need to when there's really no one to show them off to. lol And yes men and women, us women wear sexy panties to show them off to someone. Not to feel secretly sexy. So if you see a woman wearing sexy panties, she's probably readying herself to get laid. Anyways....

I have the mommy bun most days unless I want my hair down. I sometimes go in shirts Kaylee has spilt something on. I used to go into stores with spit up on me when she was a baby. lol Around here, you're always seeing moms all primed and dressed up while their children have unbrushed hair, pj's, and looking half asleep. I'm the opposite. Kaylee is always dressed and ready before I ever get started and usually I just throw on a real bra and not a sports bra, a shirt, and some jeans. Then I brush my hair and teeth and I'm done. Yes I wear a sports bra. I'm 44 DD and I hate underboob sweat. Big boobed women will understand. I get the "you're fat and that's why you got boobs" crap all the time. You should look at my mother and grandmothers. They're all/was at a healthy weight and yet they're boobs is/were in the range mine was. I was just blessed with good genes. ;) Both my grandmothers have passed, but my mom is still alive.

That gets into wearing the few girly things I have. Since I have large boobs, I sure cannot hide the cleavage. I've had people accuse me of being desperate for attention. It's not my fault they stick out of girly shirts and such. Don't blame me that you're smaller boobs can't do that. If my boobs were of a smaller size, you wouldn't see cleavage. I'm not ashamed of my cleavage either. I flaunt the hell out of that shit. It has actually helped me get things. I don't get all pissed off and offended if a guy gawks at it. I'm wearing a shirt that shows cleavage to show it off. I assume men are going to stare and I don't care. It's natural. I'm not some sexist, whiney feminist who wears something like that and bitches that a guy is a pig for staring at something they'll naturally stare at. It's just like if a guy has a large bulge, you're going to stare at his crotch. I do it. Don't lie that you don't.

And that gets me into a different subject. Men and women, size DOES matter. Stop lying to yourselves and everyone else. Unless you're shallow and tight as hell, you aren't going to feel a scrawny three incher nor are you going to be satisfied by it. Admitting to that doesn't make you a whore and any Small Penis Syndrome males who, if ever, end up commenting, you will be blocked. I'm very block happy. :) Don't blame me for your short comings. Blame your father's genes. I prefer a white guy who's 6.5-9 inches. Doesn't make me a whore either. I've had enough sex to know what I want and what I don't want. What I can feel and what I can't feel. I'm pretty deep. I'm not tight, but I'm not loose either. Yet to some prudes, that makes me a whore because A. they don't know enough about themselves to have a real opinion on sex and B. they're a male who's small and find me liking someone larger offensive and hurtful. Like I said, not my fault your genes suck. :-/

I've had only 15 partners in the 9 years I've been sexually active. I lost my virginity at 19. *hears gasps* From my research, that's average for someone YOUNGER than me. I don't sleep with every guy that comes along who's open to it. In order to get me in bed, you have to usually be my boyfriend before that happens. And if you aren't, you have to be someone I have a majour crush on. I don't do no one night stands. I did that once in my life. I felt so nasty and dirty about myself. I don't do no FWBs. I've done that once as well. Doesn't end well since always one person cares about the other and the other doesn't care at all. Meaning I had a majour crush on this guy since I was in high school and outside of high school, slept with him several times and he saw it as just physical and didn't want anything more than a friendship. Still lives in this town and works for the PD and my dad knows him since he had to deal with PD for the drunks and druggies at the hospital. My dad used to work for them as security. Anyways... That's all for the losers who have/will call me a whore over openly admitting what I want.

Well, that sure went way off track there. lol Back on track now. I like a lot of things guys like. I always have. I like getting dirty and playing in mud whether going mudding or actually playing in mud, fishing, hunting(I can skin and gut a deer and rub blood all over my face for a laugh), rock climbing, wrestling, rough housing, etc. I can easily hack it with the guys. I hit like a guy too and almost as hard. I think like a guy and I sound like a guy. I can be girly if I wanted, but it's kind of boring and I feel stupid. I didn't have five million brothers. I have one brother and three sisters so I was raised around a lot of girls. This is just who I am. Me being this way makes me understand men more than most experts do. Even more than some guys understand themselves. I know what a guy wants, I know what makes a guy happy and unhappy, I understand their thought processes, I understand male jokes, and why guys do the things they do(well, except for wearing shorts and a heavy jacket during a snow storm. The hell guys?). This makes me "less feminine". If being feminine means to act like a dunce flipping my hair around worrying about my nails and shoes and fake giggling, I want nothing to do with it.

And really females, guys are not complicated at all. You know who complicates guys? WOMEN COMPLICATE GUYS. They do things just because most of the time. There's nothing going on in their heads. There's no ulterior motive going on. Stop complicating guys. You know what mens' core needs are? To eat, to have something to work towards, to sleep, to have sex, to have fun with friends, and to be treated right and with respect. There's really nothing else to them. I've had a lot of guys actually agree with me and give me respect for understanding them so well. Yet this makes me more like a male and less "feminine". Why do you think I have so many guy friends? I've been considered "one of the guys" for understanding them so well. That's been my problem with dating. Well, except for Richard there.

I much rather hang with men than I ever would with women. Women annoy the hell out of me and since I'm an alpha female, I cause problems with them too. lol My chest poofs up, I get a taller stance, I get territorial, all that. I tend to look down on weaker females too and laugh. That's why I seem so arrogant to people. I can't help it. I'm only doing what humans naturally have done for thousands of years. I do that when I have a boyfriend. I'm not controlling or clingy. I get very territorial. I don't mind if a boyfriend is talking to other females and/or has female friends. I mind it when a female is acting too friendly with him. IE really flirty, touchy, laying on the compliments thick, etc. I'll come over and assert my dominance by giving him a kiss and staring at the other female. Then walking away, staring and puffing out my chest while having the alpha female stance. If it's online, I'll comment something to him and completely ignore the female acting like she never even commented. Makes the guy feel awesome and asserts, in a passive aggressive way, that he's mine and to get your own. This isn't "insecurity". It's just what us alphas do. You can look in nature and see it in an even more aggressive way. If you find it as an insecurity to act like that, then you're probably either beta or omega. And for people who don't know what omega is since it's not widely used, an omega person is someone who demands your attention 24/7. Gets angry that you're talking to other people and not them. Requires to know your every move and wherever you're going and who you're hanging with. They tend to be needy, co-dependent, and clingy.

Boy has this turned into a long entry. lol I've had two cups of coffee and didn't really realise that the big spoon I was using was bigger than the others so there was extra caffeine added and extra caffeine makes me talkative.

Answer for question 4336.

What's your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs (whether that's politics, religion, or anything else)? Does your reaction change based on whether you agree with them or not?
It depends on what they're being outspoken about. Some things aren't meant to be protected while others should. There is a certain type of people that I've found that are generally mouthy, rude, bigoted, and hypocritical in the way they debate and discuss their subjects. I can't take anyone seriously who tosses out any facts the opposing person is showing them just to cling to their ill informed opinions that some famous person said. Then claim the opposing to be "ignorant" when the opposing asks for them to provide proof to their opinion. I have no respect for people who start out flinging insults and names instead of maturely stating their opinion and trying to understand why the opposing believes the way they do.

If the certain left people would be more mature, they'd probably have a more intelligent and mature base supporting them.

Already making fans

Yeap. I'm already making fans and it's only my second day on this thing. It's pretty funny. lol For some reason, these fans tend to think I'm "angry" or "irritated" when I reply to them. Pointing out simple fact while being sassy and sarcastic isn't anger. Should learn the difference. :)



Today was an okay day. Got my teeth to stop hurting thanks to my American Indian friend. Wish I had the money to shop at her shop. She's a healer and she sells natural remedies. I'm not one to like modern medicine unless absolutely necessary. Reason why I have such a high pain tolerance. Went to the store today. Was able to get some new wireless headphones, shisha, and some coals. I smoke hookah only. No it's not for weed. That's what a bong is for. I don't smoke cigarettes. I quit almost 7 years ago when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Never looked back. So I'm here enjoying my hookah, listening to the music on my phone that's inside charging, and enjoying the crisp dark night air. I love warmer weather. Yes I know a hookah is worse than cigarettes smoke-wise. No I'm not addicted. I just went three months without smoking it because I didn't have the money to. Never got irritated or angry due to withdrawals. :) Yes I know how to do page breaks. No I'm not going to use it because I like squiggle lines better.


So to talk about a guy I've been talking to for a while. His name is Richard. Really great guy. Only lives an hour away from me. I always put up a picture of the guy I'm interested in on my entries for future reference and for anyone reading so here you go:

I usually have great taste in men even though I'm only average looking. Most of my interests and/or boyfriends have been really good looking. Not just by my opinion. We have a lot in common. He also messages me without me asking him to. He doesn't ignore me for days. Hell, he even is planning next month to have a day trip to come meet me and states he's very excited to meet me for the first time. I have a very soft spot for guys with long, dark hair and light eyes. He even keeps the conversation going and we're always talking for hours. He doesn't use one worded replies, which bug the living hell out of me. If someone constantly answers with one or two words to me, I find them boring and I will ignore them. I like deep conversations. I'm not your 76 year old grandmother you see once a year just in case she dies you know.

Richard has even stated I'm perfect and I said I was perfectly imperfect. He liked that. For once, I might actually have a guy that's willing to pursue me instead of me being the only one interested. I haven't had a great dating life. I'm seeing a future relationship with this guy. See, I'm 28 and looking for a future husband. I don't want to marry a guy within a month of meeting them sort of deal. I'm willing to take a few years before walking down the isle. Just most guys these days have either not been raised properly and/or have been screwed over too much so all they want is sex. That's not me being bitter. That's straight from 99% of the men I meet's mouths. I get the "I just want some fun" or the "DTF" messages. I would date in my town, but all the males around here are weak, beta males who chain themselves to trees to protect the too thick, fire hazard forest from "deforestation". I like my men to be strong alpha males who know how to take care of themselves, with confidence but not arrogance, and can hunt/fish/have survival skills. I'm an odd woman with an old soul. And yes, I do "check out" a potential mate up and down. See if their strong. I don't like soft male hands. I go crazy over rough, calloused hands and an amazing beard. All Richard has. I know he has calloused hands because he's a landscaper. There's no way to have soft, feminine hands in that field. I want to date a man. Not a female in a male suit.

And I'm ranting. lmao So Richard.... I can tell he can be an asshat at times, but he's a good guy. For once, I'm not being friendzoned by a good guy. He does have a son, but his son is not with him. The son is with the grandparents and they're no where to be found. They basically kidnapped his son and he's been trying to do his best to find him. So where is the mother you may ask? She was killed in a collision with a drunk driver. He has told me he loved her so much, but I can tell he's let go her memory and moved on. I don't remember when that happened, but it wasn't recent. His son's grandparents blame him for their daughter's death so they took the kid and disappeared. He has hired a PI and they're getting a few leads, but not much. Poor guy though. I couldn't imagine having my piece of shit ex's parents come and kidnap my child. That story will be in another entry. I wouldn't be able to eat, sleep, or function.

Richard has a couple of acres of land, which is awesome. Him and his mom used to own horses which is even more awesome. I like the cowboys. :D He does wear a hat. Yum. You can even tell in the picture where it usually sits. It's just really nice to find a great guy with similar interests, who's an alpha male, and who's genuinely interested in me. After all the shit boyfriends that my dumbass chose, I finally snag a good one. :D

Okay soooo

Since I got kicked off of Prosebox with no reason or email, I guess I'll try this one. Almost three weeks ago, I try to log onto my Prosebox. "Invalid username or password". I check many times and log in with the correct information. Still saying the same thing. So I send off an email to their customer service/report area. It's an entire week before I get an answer and during that week, I sent about six emails with the exact same content asking what is going on and why can I not log in. All I get is "What is your username?". So I sent that off. Yet another week of emails, four to be exact, and still silence. So I get pissed off and cuss them out telling them their site is shit and that it was pathetic that they cannot be fucked to look at their inbox to see if anyone has sent any emails. So basically, fuck that site. I had almost two years of entries, several of which I cannot ever get back now that were important, completely gone. I considered never writing in another online diary again, but due to how much stress and recent events, I NEED to write somewhere and I have no one to talk to like I need to.

So I'm on here trying this out. Not really liking how bright as hell it really is. I really like a darker background. I don't know if you're able to change that? Hopefully this site is decent for entries.

So anyways. I've been unemployed for a year now. Hundreds of applications in my area and only one interview, which I had last Wednesday. It was at Petco for cashier. It was only 15 hours a week, but that's more than what I'm getting now. Got some good pointers from my older sister about what to ask and such. Went to the interview. I think it went really well. Surprised the interviewer with a question I don't think most people get. It's:

If I am hired, what could I do to exceed your expectations?

Get done rather quickly since he states he is straight to the point in interviews. Says he'll contact me in a few days of his decision. Go home feeling okay. I'm Christian so I was praying as hard as I could and crossing everything I could. Then last Saturday I check my email and there's three emails. First one was telling me that they aren't going to go forward with my application. Second one was they already filled the position. Then the third one was a job alert from a job site an hour after the second email and it was for the same position I just was told they "filled". So I'm angry and upset. I mean seriously. Why tell someone the position is filled and then post up an hour later on a job site for the position you claim to have already filled? I find that pretty screwed up.

See in my town, unless you go to the university here or know someone in a manager position or higher, you're basically screwed out of a job. This town used to be a decent place to live. Now they cater to the college kids. Most of downtown now is nothing, but bars and clubs and raves where there used to be little knick knack stores and such. It's gone downhill thanks to that damn college. I wish someone would burn it so us locals could actually have a decent life around here. >__< And I'm not the only one who thinks so. I'm on several local buy groups on facebook and they all say similar things. I'd move if I had the money, but I need a job first. The job market here is basically non existent. You look through all the job listings and mainly all you'll see is medical, trucking, or experienced manager. They're always hiring for those and I don't have the type of experience and certs for any of those.

I think that'll be all for my first one. I just needed a place to rant a bit. It's almost 3 in the morning and my jaw is killing me since my teeth aren't all that great and I have a dying tooth problem. My insurance doesn't cover for dentistry for people over the age of 21 and there's no free dentist clinics and such around here yet so I'm suffering in pain. Bleck. I'll share a bit more about myself next time.